The ABC'S of Peace
Introduction
A is for Anger Management
B is for Bullying
C is for Conflict Resolution
S is for Self-Esteem
Resources
What are the
ABC'S of Peace?
The ABCS of Peace were stumbled upon. You see, we were doing presentations for younger kids on Anger Management, Bullying, Conflict-Resolution, and Self Esteem for our Stand Up! Help Out! mentoring program. As we put these words in order, we soon came upon an acronym (A=Anger Management; B=Bullying, C=Conflict Resolution; S=Self-Esteem). These are the topics that we decided to talk to school-age kids about to help stop them from being involved in violence. The reason why we chose these specific aspects to talk about is because these are the areas in which most children who are aged 6-11 wonder and need to know about. All of these can contribute to a violence-free environment in a number of ways. Upon creating presentations, the C.R.I.M.E group decided to create a DVD and workbook to go along with them.
anger
management
The way that anger management contributes to a violence-free environment is that if people know how to control their anger, they will be less likely to get into fights and arguments. Anger management helps a person become aware of a problem and then you can explore the root situation and get to the bottom of it before it escalates further. So, in teaching about anger management, we think about a couple things. The only way a person is able to be aware of a problem is to first know that he/she is angry because people sometimes do not know this until it is too late. It also helps to know what makes one angry so that he/she knows what type of situations to avoid as well as which people to avoid. Finally, people need to find good ways to deal with angry feelings. How someone manages anger overall creates either a positive or negative outlook on a situation, but if people know themselves and how they react to certain situations, they can contribute to a violence-free environment. These are lessons we taught the younger children.
Our Presentation
In discussing Anger Management, we tackled three big questions:
•What is anger management?
•Why do we get angry?
•What are some practical ways in which we can control our anger?
First, we asked the kids about what makes them angry. We got many different answers, including the following:
•What makes me angry is when someone talks about me.
•I get angry when some pulls my hair.
•I get angry when someone takes my stuff.
•I get angry when my little sister messes up my room.
•I get angry when I cant go outside or I cant watch television.
Then, to get them thinking about the topic, we give a scenario and ask the kids to tell what would be the good thing to do and what would be the bad thing to do. The scenario is:
John and Tommy are playing basketball Tommy accidentally fouls John and John thinks that he did it on purpose.
Here we get a bunch of different responses, but we hope the kids can see ways for John to stay calm, avoid a fight, and talk out the problem with Tommy.
Next, we talk about the importance of being able to control our anger and reasons why. Some reasons we give and have gotten from the kids are:
•You wont get suspended from school.
•You wont get detention.
•You wont get in trouble with your parents.
•It will make you a better person.
•You have more friends.
•Youll be more likeable.
To end the presentation, we talk about different ways to handle anger and practice these with the kids. Some examples are:
•Take a deep breath.
• Listen to music.
•Talk to an adult/peer.
•Exercising.
•Writing.
• Punching a pillow.
BullyiNg
Bullying is a very good subject matter to know about. CRIME helps people to realize that bullying is one of the biggest causes of violence in schools and it is necessary to prevent it to have violence free-communities. Most children these days think that bullying is just physical, but C.R.I.M.E helps people to see that bullying can also be verbal or, in other words, what you say to people. When we presented on bullying, we gave advice both to the bullies and the kids who are being bullied. We think it is important to help both in order to stop bullying.
First, we ask the kids if they know what a bully is. When we get those answers, we explain what bullying behavior is:It is someone saying or doing something that makes someone feel hurt, scared, sick, lonely, embarrassed or sad. For example, bullies might hit, kick, or push to hurt someone. Or they may use words to call names, threaten tease, or scare someone. Also, trying to frighten or control someone is bullying behavior. So, a bully might say mean things about someone, grab someones stuff, make fun of someone, or leave a person out of a group on purpose.We then set up a skit with the kids in our audience:One student comes up to a group of three kids and comes over and knocks a book out of one of their hands and calls that child Stupid. We then ask the audience about what had happened to help them see an example of bullying in everyday life.After this skit, we ask the kids if they have ever been bullied and if they have ever been a bully. We use empathy with both groups and tell them we are going to help them both. The kids ask us a lot, Why are we being bullied?To answer this, we tell the older kids (fourth & fifth graders):Another kid may feel unwanted, unloved, or not good about him or herself. Then, he or she may throw angry feelings out on others. Other times, they may just be looking for attention or trying to make themselves feel more important. Also, sometimes, they might just come from a family that is angry and shouting all the time and think this is a normal way to act. Also, some might have been bullied before and then when they got bigger, they become a bully.We explain it to the younger kids (first, second, & third graders) like this:Another kid may be angry for many different reasons and takes it out on others. They also may not know how to be a good friend and they need adults and other kids in their class to help teach them that. We end our presentation by going over tips for how to handle bullies and what to do if you are a bully.Tips: How to handle run-ins with bullies and to avoid run-ins with bullies 1.Never put on a sad face when a bully is around.2.Walk away from trouble if you need to.3.Get an adult to help you if you need to.4.Try to ignore the bully (dont give the bully a chance). 5.Take a deep breath.6.Count to Ten.7.Turn insults into compliments.8.Show you understand what is upsetting a person.9.Say what youre feeling (I-Statements).10. Stand tall and be brave.Tips: for the people who are bullying1. Its okay to be mad, but dont take it out on others.2.Use your words instead of your fists.3.Treat all living thing with respect.4.You cant have your own way all the time.5.Dont sweat the small stuff.6.Let you anger go in safe ways.7.CHILL OUT!
First, we ask the kids if they know what a bully is. When we get those answers, we explain what bullying behavior is:
It is someone saying or doing something that makes someone feel hurt, scared, sick, lonely, embarrassed or sad. For example, bullies might hit, kick, or push to hurt someone. Or they may use words to call names, threaten tease, or scare someone. Also, trying to frighten or control someone is bullying behavior. So, a bully might say mean things about someone, grab someones stuff, make fun of someone, or leave a person out of a group on purpose.
We then set up a skit with the kids in our audience:
One student comes up to a group of three kids and comes over and knocks a book out of one of their hands and calls that child Stupid.
We then ask the audience about what had happened to help them see an example of bullying in everyday life.
After this skit, we ask the kids if they have ever been bullied and if they have ever been a bully. We use empathy with both groups and tell them we are going to help them both.
The kids ask us a lot, Why are we being bullied?
To answer this, we tell the older kids (fourth & fifth graders):
Another kid may feel unwanted, unloved, or not good about him or herself. Then, he or she may throw angry feelings out on others. Other times, they may just be looking for attention or trying to make themselves feel more important. Also, sometimes, they might just come from a family that is angry and shouting all the time and think this is a normal way to act. Also, some might have been bullied before and then when they got bigger, they become a bully.
We explain it to the younger kids (first, second, & third graders) like this:
Another kid may be angry for many different reasons and takes it out on others. They also may not know how to be a good friend and they need adults and other kids in their class to help teach them that.
We end our presentation by going over tips for how to handle bullies and what to do if you are a bully.
Tips: How to handle run-ins with bullies and to avoid run-ins with bullies
1.Never put on a sad face when a bully is around.
2.Walk away from trouble if you need to.
3.Get an adult to help you if you need to.
4.Try to ignore the bully (dont give the bully a chance).
5.Take a deep breath.
6.Count to Ten.
7.Turn insults into compliments.
8.Show you understand what is upsetting a person.
9.Say what youre feeling (I-Statements).
10. Stand tall and be brave.
Tips: for the people who are bullying
1. Its okay to be mad, but dont take it out on others.
2.Use your words instead of your fists.
3.Treat all living thing with respect.
4.You cant have your own way all the time.
5.Dont sweat the small stuff.
6.Let you anger go in safe ways.
7.CHILL OUT!
Conflict
Resolution
A violence-free life is what most people want in this world. One thing that would help make this want become a reality would be conflict resolution. Conflict Resolution relates very closely to the other subject matters in that conflict resolution teaches people how to solve problems in a good way. It truly causes others to see that having a good solution can fully dissolve a problem. Instead of people turning conflict into fighting or killing, conflict can create a new friendship. The way we handle conflict can greatly determine how our future may play out. We tried to show the kids that they should always step back, think of what decisions will not end in violence, and try their best to not point the blaming finger. We should always try our best to end conflict in a civilized, respectful and non-violent manner. The conflict resolution part brings out good ways to solve problems and the basic things we wanted the kids to take from it were: in order to come up with resolutions they need to remain calm, cool, and collected and do their best to disperse problems.
We start off our presentation by asking the audience, What is CONFLICT? Then, we give the following definition.
Conflict is when someone or a group wants something but the other wants something else. It is like people disagreeing, fighting, or arguing over something.
Then, we ask them about what kind of conflicts they deal with. Some of the common ones the kids tell us about are:
•Other kids talking about them or hitting them.
•Their parents not allowing them to go outside because they didnt clean up.
•Their little brothers/sisters doing things and getting away with it.
•Their teachers asking them to do things that they dont want to do.
We then talk about why handling conflict in a peaceful way is so important. These are the important reasons:
•You will maintain friendships.
•You will not get into trouble.
•You will display a mature attitude.
•You will become a well-rounded person in the long run.
We end our presentation by giving tips for conflict resolution. These include:
1) Top No, No's
•When you are in a disagreement with someone there should be no yelling, screaming, kicking, fighting, name calling, or threats.
•There should also be no put downs, or bad words that could hurt someone's feelings.
•Remember to treat everyone the way you would want to be treated.
2) Your Feelings
•When you get mad, go somewhere else to cool off.
•If someone hits you, don't hit back. Just walk away.
•If they keep on doing it, then tell a teacher or an adult.
3) Talking
•Talk one at a time and listen.
•Don't make any blames or bring up secrets. That could make the person even madder.
•Talk using eye contact and use the word I to express how you feel.
4) Think!, Think!, Think!
•Put on your thinking cap and brainstorm ways for you and the person to fix the problem.
•Think about the problem.
•Say what you feel and have others do the same.
•Decide on what you all want to do.
•Stick to what you've decided on what to do.
•Then talk again if the problem isn't solved.
Self Esteem
Self Esteem is an aspect of the ABCS that contributes to a violence-free environment in that if people feel good about themselves, they will not feel the need to hurt or talk about others in a negative way. We should always think about ourselves in the best way. We should never let what anyone says about us change the way we feel about ourselves. People with low self-esteem tend to become violent and angry toward others. When people think badly about themselves, they are going to try and get people to feel the same way that they feel. So, we taught the kids how to keep only the best thoughts about themselves and to never let people change how they feel and think about themselves. This way they will not have to worry about becoming depressed and not living their lives. What we think about ourselves is critical in leading a happy and successful life and in preventing violence in our communities.
In talking about self-esteem, we start with a group discussion, asking the kids such questions as:
•What makes you feel good about yourself?
•What do you like about yourself?
•What are some of your talents?
We then tell the kids how great they are and how many wonderful talents are in the room. We tell the kids that even though they are great, sometimes they may not feel good about themselves. We have another talk, asking the kids:
•Are there ever times you are mad at yourself or feel bad about yourself?
After this discussion, we explain self esteem as:
It is how you think about yourself. It can be in a negative or positive way. Sometimes, if you lose a game or someone calls you a name, you might feel bad about yourself. But, we want for you all to feel good about yourselves all of the time.
We then give the following situation and at the end, ask the kids what they did wrong or right.
Justin and Case are playing a game of air hockey at Justins house. Justin always wins when he plays air hockey but he seems really upset about something (hey kids can you predict what happens next?). When the game starts, Case keeps scoring while Justin is missing the blocks. Now that made Justin even madder. Well, Justin then gets really angry.
We have the kids think about what is going to happen this time:
•Should he kick Case out?
•Say hes really bad at the game and tell Case hes not going to play anymore?
•Tell Case whats making him mad and keep trying?
We try to get the kids to see that telling people your problems can always relieve stress and it can make you feel better if you are feeling bad about yourself.
We end the presentation by telling them that there are eight good things to do for themselves:
1.Do things that make you feel good like going swimming, making models, doing art, or playing sports.
2.Give yourself a treat every day, like playing with your toys, eating a piece of candy, or taking a hot bath with bubbles.
3.Forgive yourself for what you did a while ago and learn from it so you dont do it again.
4.Do something good for your body, like exercising. You can do it at home by helping with the case of water, running, or doing push-upsanything that can keep your heart pumping.
5.Do something good for your brain. Playing a checkers/chess game or even Monopoly keeps you thinking.
6.Find grown-ups you feel cool to talk to because that can make you feel like a better
person.
7.When you hear bad comments from others or even in your head, remember the good things and know that your body is yours no matter what shape or size and that there are things about yourself you cant change.
8.Talk to yourself and always tell yourself all about your talents and all the great things in your life. You should give yourself at least three compliments a day.
The Pledge of
Peace
I _______________promise that
1. I will not let my anger get the best of me.
2. If I'm mad I will not hit anyone.
3. I will avoid violence at all cost.
4. If I am being bothered I will walk away.
5. I will remember the ABC'S of Peace.
6. I will help others to live a peaceful life.
7. I will consider others feelings.
8. I will solve problems verbally and not physically.
9. I will keep a peaceful attitude.
10. I will uphold and remember this Pledge of Peace.
In putting together our speeches and presentations, we used a lot of different resources in addition to using our own experiences and knowledge learned on the topics. For further information, you can look up information in the following places:
www.bullying.org
www.stopbullyingnow.com
www.kidshealth.org
Cohen-Possey, K. (1995). How to handle bullies, teasers and other meanies: A book that takes the nuisance out of name calling and other nonsense. Highland City, FL: Rainbow Books, Inc.
Jones, A. E. (1998). 104 activities that build: Self-Esteem, teamwork, communication, anger management, self-discovery, coping skills. Richland, WA: Rec Room Publishing.
Kaufman, G., Raphael, L., Espeland, P. (1999). Stick up for yourself: Every kid's guide to personal power & positive self-esteem. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing, Inc.
Romain, T. (1997). Bullies are a pain in the brain. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing, Inc.
Teolis, B. (2002). Ready-to-use conflict resolution activities for elementary students. San Francisco: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Verdick, E. & Lisovskis, M. (2002). How to take the Grrrr out of anger. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing, Inc.
Whitehouse, E. & Pudney, W. (1998). A volcano in my tummy: Helping children to handle anger. Gabriola Island, BC : New Society Publishers.
Wilde, J. (1997). Hot stuff to help kids chill out: The anger management book. Richmond, IN: LGR Publishing.
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